we'll give it a try

Recently my mom mentioned that I should be a blogger. And since I've had a lot on my mind lately, I thought, let's give it a try. Whether anyone reads this or not is of little consequence to me. Well, I say that, but I would probably be pretty pleased to acquire a little following. But regardless of all that, I just hope to be able to put words to the things that I'm struggling through in hopes of making sense of them.

I've found that life comes with many trials and many days full of wrestling with what's right, or what's wise, what's pertinent, or what's most productive, what will cause us the least pain, or requires the least effort. Why is that? Why is it that we are the only species on this planet that has deep thoughts? That has morals? That cares what we look like or what we own? Why do we acquire things? Why do we strive for entertainment? For progress? For love?

Well, I don't know the answers to these questions. As I grew up, I was taught that it is all because God created it this way. That it was all created for His glory, and thus I was to live to add to that glory. But recently, I don't know if that is exactly what I believe or what is truth. Because that idea has brought alot of pain to my heart. Not because this God intended it to, but because people have manipulated that idea. So, this is my struggle. Do I listen to and adhere to what was pounded into my head for 20 years because everyone around me believes it? Or do I face the reality that nothing is certain in this life, and that the truth that I have been told will 'set me free' has been a prison for much of my life?

I believe I will face that reality in order to find what is my truth. I don't know what that truth will look like, but I'm excited to find it. I'm excited to find a reality where I am not plagued by questions of my worth based on performance. I'm excited to find a God that doesn't base my worth on the things that others around me base it on. I'm excited to explore the questions of this earth, and find the answers that give me the most peace. I'm also a bit nervous because with exploration comes uncertainty. And with uncertainty, comes discomfort.

So, if anyone is reading this, feel free to join me on this journey. Reply if you're supportive, please don't if you're not. I guess that's all.

Good night and Good Luck with whatever journey you find yourself on.

Lauren