yep, i am a cliche...

So, Valentine's Day is in 3 days, and I am officially the cliche of a lonely young woman, listening to John Mayer at 11 pm, and wondering when someone will come along that will want to write these songs about me? I know that it will happen. I know that what is meant to be will be, and that whoever is to 'do life with me' will come along. I know all the truths (or supposed truths) that my girl friends or my mother will say when I mention loneliness, but these things don't change feelings.

Isn't that a strange occurance? The fact that our heads and our hearts can be in such different places at the same time? That we can repeat simple truths to ourselves millions of times without them ever truly reaching our hearts. I believe this is what makes us human. The fact that we have two such powerful forces inside us that are in constant conflict. Well, maybe not constant, but frequent conflict.

It seems to me that this conflict is central to our happiness. Whether we listen to our emotions, to our hearts, or whether we cling to the thoughts that could save us despite the ache in our hearts. Some would suggest that we are to follow our hearts, but I believe many times they lead us astray. That emotions can fool us into believing that which we would never believe otherwise. Lonliness can lead us to believe that this time it will be different, and bitterness can convince us that no one can ever deserve our trust.

So today, I will chose not to follow the ache that is telling me that I'm not worthy. That it is best to give up and build walls, or that I need to find someone to fill the whole that I feel tonight. No, I will chose to listen to my head. To cling to the hope and knowledge that I am not an old maid, yet. That I am 20 years old and have plenty of time to find my _______(insert dream man of your choice). That my mom and my girlfriends are right to urge me to keep the faith. That not everyone finds their soulmate at age 16 like my parents. That the ache that seems large now will be much easier to handle than the ache that would come with throwing myself into something that is not true, or building walls to avoid the pain that comes with waiting for love or from making a few mistakes during the search for it.

So, here's my plan for the next 3 days. I will cling to my friends. I will go on a Valentine's date with my friend Hannah, and make a heart shaped cake with her, and enjoy frienship, and sweets, and the cast of the new movie Valentine's Day. I will remember my friend Mary Helen that passed away 4 years to the day this Valentine's Day. I will celebrate the fact that she was surprised on Valentine's morning by dozens of white and red roses on the car that would take her to heaven. I will mourn that she is not here to celebrate another Valentine's Day, but be glad that she left on a great one. And I will chose to be happy for those around me that have found love. I will celebrate with them, and look forward to the day that they celebrate with me.

I guess that's all for my cliche blog post about Valentine's Day. If you must, you may judge me, but this is where I'm at, so that's that. I wanna leave with a quote from the John Mayer song that I just listened to. I think these could be some of the most romantic words a man could ever say to me, and if you know me, you know why.... (he's singing to an old lover about herself and then about the new girl his friends have set him up with.)

"i loved you, grey sweatpants. no make up. so perfect. our love was comfortable and so broken in...she's perfect. so flawless. i'm not impressed. i want you back."

Lauren