so, it seems i find myself writing at times when i've hit a breaking point. and only then. perhaps i wouldn't hit these breaking points quite as often if i wrote more. but, that's water under the bridge, i suppose...
anyway, that which i'm freaking out over this time is tv. and twitter. and facebook. and people.com. and e! online. and youtube. and every "connection to THE world" that constantly keeps me disconnected from MY world. today i spent a total of about 2.5-3 hours watching tv or video on youtube. i probably spent about 2.5-3 more hours on facebook/twitter/people.com/e! online, etc. at the very least.
why is this? why is it so important for me to catch the latest episode of 90210? or watch interviews with the newest Glee cast member? i think its an escape. okay, i know its an escape. its easier for me to watch these shows and fantasize about sitting on the beach choosing between the 2 hot guys that are fighting over me or picturing myself singing along with Puck and Finn, rather than actually putting myself out there in the actual world that i'm in.
which is a pretty great place place, if i'm honest. it's not beverly hills or lima, ohio (circa los angeles), but it's great. there are great people in my life, and i've been blessed with many many opportunities. i just wish i could engage more fully in this place.
i want to be more intentional in my relationships and in what messages i allow myself to receive. i want to spend time in the Word. i want to spend time in Literature. i want to receive messages that speak the truth that i am searching for. rather than receive messages that are full of negativity or which i don't agree with, and then quickly mutter truth to myself before starting the next episode, or clicking to the article.
also, i want to be exhausted. but, not from anxiety or stress. from pursuing what i love, serving others, talking to my friends all night. i want to find what i love and throw myself into it. i long for the type of passion that creates the work that i watch on so you think you can dance. that i saw in the play, Wicked. that causes the creation of TOMS shoes. that causes someone to run 26.2 miles. i want to find that part of me that has the ability to devote myself fully to some cause. i want to find that cause.
i want more. more than fine, as switchfoot says.
so, as a way to find more, i'm going to engage more. i'm going to cut down on my facebook/tv/twitter, blah blah blah, time. i'm going to be more intentional in my relationships and quit saying "let's hang out more" and start saying "when can we grab lunch?" or "what're you doing tomorrow night?"
that's my plan.... books, real people, running, just being in MY world and not in the world of the media. because, let's face it, no matter how many interviews i watch of Darren Criss (Glee), and how much i find out about him, or how many of his songs i buy from iTunes, i'm never going to meet him. i'm not going to be on Glee. i'm not going to be on so you think you can dance. jake gyllenhaal is not going to realize i'm the 20 year old he wants to date, not taylor swift. but, you know what? there are about a million opportunities and dreams to pursue (boys to date...) right here. in knoxville. in columbia. in costa rica, next semester. all of which i will miss out on if i keep sitting in my room watching other people live out their dreams.
that's all i know for now.
Good night and good luck with whatever journey you find yourself on. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment